"you turn to God first before you turn to man, because ultimately, God is the best person who can give you the best advice, the best solution"
or something along those lines..


sounds simple enough, sounds like something i'd tell people.. but i guess, i haven't really been living that out fully?.. taking God's advice as a SUGGESTION?..


"wadever God tells you to do, just do it"
true true.. i believe in this, but does it automatically mean i do it?.. nope, not really..


that's why we not only have to believe in our hearts, we have to confess with our mouths.. cos we can believe in something but not live it out.. i've just been too blind to see that i'm committing it.. service was good, it spoke to me..... not only in terms of cell, and studies... just, it spoke into my life..



to the person who said the above quotes to me?.. you know who you are, i think.. im not sure u'll read this?.. but thanks, thanks alot... it may have been a casual remark to you, but it spoke to me.. (:


i never thought in a million years i'd have forged friendships with you two.. and i am so glad i did.. im sorry for being a liability for now, i've not had a startling revelation about God recently, like i always did in the past.. i can almost see myself stuck in a pit now.. quicksand or something.. and i see God streching his hand out to save me.. and beside him are you two, doing all you can to help me out too..


and when i'm out of this deep pit, when im holding hands with God walking along the road with him.. i promise i'll do all i can to help you out too if you ever get stuck in a pit.. the pit may be smaller than mine, or it may be much larger.. but i hereby promise to do all i can to save u.. like you have done to save me too..


i would very much like to announce your names, but this aint exactly a private blog.. i hope you know that im talking about u.. and i do really wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart..


lisa's short sharing during cell was very different.. i thank her for doing it.. cos, it spoke to me, and it allowed God to speak to me too.. lisa touched a little on visions and stuff.. i used to have that.. i used to see vivid pictures of God's messages.. moving pictures that spoke messages so strong it brought me down to my knees, with a desperate cry in my heart.. i used to get them.. wad happened?.. i dunno.. or maybe i do?...


and when lisa's mind went blank and i shared a little something.. it felt like God was speaking through me.. it's been long since i last felt that too.. when the group was smaller, we used to flow so smootly, God was obviously in control all the time..


me and darius clicked.. when i asked him to prepare p&w, he'd prepare songs that corresponded to my message when he didn't know wad i was gonna share.. when we had prayer meetings, people break down and cry right there in cell.. i remember that.. wad happened?..


i can say well, a levels happened, that's wad.. but im not playing the blame game any longer.. i recognise it is my fault, my bad time management, my bad decisions.. God help my small group, God, help me..



and in case u think this is very emo, it is so not.. my heart is rejoicing, i have found the problem.. and i am gonna solve it.. and im gonna be lovin' it.. (im lovin' it!..) ok actually i dun like macdonalds.. oh well.. (:

I LOVE DAVID COOK!! he is so so good.. listen to his single, "always be my baby".. gosh, his voice is so strong and rich.. plus the song is super nice!!

click!!

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die
No!

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you'll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....

You'll always be a part of me (you will always be)
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (we will linger on....)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

Always be my baby


"time of my life" is really nice too.. sigh,talented people are just..... a different species, lol

sigh.. my horrible lack of IT skills has disallowed me from putting the song onto my blog.. SOMEBODY HELP ME!! abi? after your exams can you change my blog skin?.. lol.. i dun want those with BUILT IN SONGS... -.-


anyway, i've been surprisingly happy these few days.. i dun want it to go away, but maybe it will.. i dun wanna curse myself or anything.. but ya, i dunno if things are going well.. sigh.. nvm, ignore me haha.. im just ranting..


i love love michelle (sis) and brian!! my singing buddies.. lol, after math remedial that day we just stayed in the classroom and sang christian songs, it feels very liberating!! before you know it, the time of persecution might arrive then we'll NEVER get to sing so openly anymore.. so muz grab the chance!! haha


anyway, i realised singing christian songs help me concentrate on maths better!! i did like 16 whole math questions in less than 2 hours k!! seems little u say to me?? *pouts* it so is not ok.. math is hard!! i was quite impressed when i saw the time after i finished, i thought it would have been much later, but God helped me through.. lol (:


it doesn't work for other subjects though, cos the words get jumbled up in my head.. lol, like i writing econs essay then suddenly write "until i see u face to face......" lol.. chem and bio, all wordy subjects, only math can..


i'm proud to say that my passion for maths has been rekindled!!! :DDD *wonders why everyone is staring at me* umm.. u mean it's not normal to have a passion for maths meh?? is it wrong to love maths?!? oh forbidden love!!.. i feel like juliet.. romeo romeo where for art thou romeo?..


okok, sorry, screw loose.. must be the NJcians i have been hanging out with.. this is not right!! lol.. nahh, i used to love math cos it came easy to me.. after about one and a half years of struggling with Cmath, it's coming back to me!! my mojo is back... (mojo jojo!! *plays powerpuff girls theme song*)



lol, can u tell that im happy?.. i guess u can la rite... this is turning out to be such a stupid post can?.. it's meaningless.. oh well, i just wanted to post something cos i was staring at the computer screen, beaming away... doing nothing.. so.. well, here i am..



let's make this meaningful ok?.. i shall tell u a secret.. i wanna travel, i really do.. it's like my biggest desire.. i want to see the sights, hear the sounds, breathe the air, taste the beauty, feel the splendour.. i want to be able to appreciate wad God has created.. in s'pore, all you see are the man-made "beauties" i mean c'mon, even our beaches are fake..


i wanna see these....

real beaches with water so clear i can see the seabed..

rainbows that stretch over cascading waterfalls..

falling snowflakes that i can catch..

lakes and streams whose waters flow peacefully..

mountain tops that reach the sky and beyond..

auroras that paint the skies with their colours...

and even though it's scary.. i wanna see the bright lightning bolts when they first hit the ground..

how can i know your magnificence when i've never even seen your marvelous creations?..

yay!!! im here to blog about a great great day i recently had!! ahwei and wang just finished prelims last thurs.. so they forced me and nao to go out with them on friday so they can relax abit.. THEN US LEHH?!?! we dunnit to study one huh?!? heh heh.. but i loads of fun.. loveee


anyway, jiahuang joined us.. ((: it's been sooo long since i saw him, he looks like adrain pang, im not kidding!!! lol... better looking version la.. it's so nice meeting up with him again la.. he changed alot alot.. so glad for him!! from this annoying vulgar guy to a genuinely nice person.. lemme tell you his secret to becoming a better person!! he became a christian.. GUARENTEED CHANGE FOR THE BETTER!!! join the club now.. (:


yupz.. i deserve no credit for that la.. it's his cousin who brought him to a church.. ya, but i like the nice jiahuang wayyyy better.. (: not a pest anymore!! haha


so...... wad's left to say?.. a picture says a thousand words!! and i got a few thousand words to say!! ((:

we went to heeren to dine at the kinda newly opened fish and co. (:

and no... in case you were thinking,"whoa!! sarah's rich" that is sooo not true.. haha, i had to like order the cheapest thing on the menu.. ordinary fish and chips, haha but it was goood.. jh supposed to treat us to dinner cos he just got his paycheck!! but we felt bad, so nahh.. (jh is a part time drum instructor ok!! got talent one..)

sighh... why do they look so sad?? must smile!!

good job jiahuang!! i have no idea wad ahwei is doing seriously.. his face is forever spastic one..

yes, let the girls show you how it's done.. nice picture together!! (:




jealous ahwei had to ruin our second girls' shot cos he can't smile properly.. so try to distract us.. but obviously in vain!! heh heh.. and noo.. CLEARLY i wasn't distracted by the stupid fry.. (:




we walked past thing loong poster that was supposedly designed by some french guy and it's supposed to look 3D.. but it didn't.. so we decided to make it really 3D!! group picture!!




and welll... we and ahwei were supposed to be models blending in with the manequins(ok i know i spelled this wrongly.. wadever) but ahwei is so stiff la.. he has absolutely no talent as a model.. unlike me!!! whoo!! look at the gorgeous pose!! haha... not anyway, is it just me or do i look slightly pregnant here? haha.. i need to go jogging.. gaining weight as i breathe can?.. haha, but i got no motivation!!

good times!! anyway.. i have one more picture to show the world!! it's of my BELOVED small group.. which is soooo totally not small anymore.. with full attendance, we hit a massive whopping 22!! too big too big.. but i love em all the same.. this isn't a complete picture la.. with some pple missing like dear VARMA!! he had to do his media stuff.. and tim, he had to wash his face after the flour make-up lol.. warren and his CUTE bro bryan... still got absentees.. yada yada.. u get the idea.. it's big!!

don't we look like one big happy family?? ((: i know.. although i look super badd here.. i have no idea wad i was doing.. plus, my bald spot is getting bigger.. can you spot it?? im too stressed.. im not even kidding.. lol, i need some scalp treatment!! haha, losing too much hair!!

ooo... anyway, i watched mamma mia on friday night with nao too!! it's sooooooo good!! it's so good i can't even describe it.. i left the theater wanting to watch it again immediately!! i rarely give movies such ravings.. but i absoloutely loved this one.. anyone wanna watch?? highly recommended!! i can watch with u again!!



psst... i hope they pay me for my advertising please... i am SO influencial sure alot of people go watch one.. hee hee

ok, today has not been very productive at all.. i didn't get any work done.. i feel lazy, oh well.. i guess it's true that you can't be productive everyday.. anyway, after surfing youtube, i came across so so many old christian songs that i miss and love..



it feels very very good to be close to God.. it's the kind of feeling that nothing else can replace or even come close to.. i had a very looong conversation with him on wednesday night, it felt good.. ok actually it felt bad when it was actually happening cos he made me do something........



haha, nvm.. private joke with God.. u have or not!? dun have right?!? go get one.. haha, im the most true to myself in front of God.. i wonder how people without God can even have the strength to live each day.. it's appalling.. i NEED my daily dose of true quiet time to survive.. clinging on is hard business..



do i sound like im dying?.. haha, from some terminal disease or something... clinging on for dear life.. nahh.. it's true that i would be dying inside la if not for the grace and the love of God..




as a leader in cell and stuff, i've always felt that i have to be able to give good advice to people who need it.. give encouragement, give support, give solutions.. but i've come to realise that the best advice you can give a person is not through what you say, it's through what you do..


cos i can be smart and say wise stuff that seem so godly, that seem like the perfect thing to do.. but you know what?.. i really don't know how hard it can be to do those stuff.. until, that is, i actually do it..


nah, not that i dun practice what i preach etc.. it's just that i have finally seen why God placed me in hard times for.. it's so that when i overcome it, people can look at me and say, " if she can do it, so can i" for it is my life that counts, not what i say that counts.. i face doubts, trust issues, failures, insecurities.... so that i can understand how they feel..



just like Jesus right?.. he faced temptations and stuff, so he understands how we feel.. dun you hate it when for eg your parents go through a divorce or something.. and random pple come up to you and say, "it's ok.. i understand how you feel....." ya like real you understand.. you've never been through it, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND..



i see now that i go through these things so others can be helped through it.. so from now on i'm going to face my problems upfront, and see it as a thing i HAVE to go through to help others.. i'm not gonna run away from it, push it to the back of my head like i used to do.. i'm going to face it strongly,with God of cos.. for it is not all about me.. it's about God's people, it's about God's people that i love..

OH OH!!!! i have to make annoucements!!!


anyone have the file "with all i am" by hillsongs?? pls send me!! i want it.. lovin the song.. ((:


and anyone free and kind enough to help me change my blogskin?? i'd greatly appreciate it if anyone can do that for me.. cos im bored of my blogskin and it is kinda ugly... ((:



pls help me!!! silent plea..

PHOTOS FROM CLARKE QUAY!!


well, i'm doing up this post cos im not in the brightest of moods.. so looking through the good times would make me feel better i guess.. ): anyway, i really did have fun at our clarke quay outing.. with the NJ ppl.. (: see?!? we are fun people who go out too!!

charlene was trying to show me how the ahlians are geniuses at cam-whoring cos they come up with weird positions that make their faces look nice and thin.. how true!! good job ahlians!! haha

ok, i may look like i'm hugging a random tree.. but then the tree actually have loads of christmas lights and stuff and it looked really pretty.. so i couldn't help myself.. char joined me.. haha

at clarke quay there got loads of weird shops, haha.. we walked past this pizza shop and they use their excess dough to make these weird bread-like looking things.. so cute rite!!

sigh.. how was i to know they were INEDIBLE?? i mean sure.. they were on display for the longest time.. and they were moudly.. but.. but.. it's bread wad!!

picture in front of that shop.. haha, i have pretty frens dun i?? too bad no HANDSOME frens.. ):

sigh.. we indulged in hokaido's ice cream.. where am i? behind the cam lo.. since i didn't eat, wanted to practice self-control.. i think not worth it lo.. ): regret now,i want ice cream!!





group pic!! camera man is some random NJcian who walked past.. he is in J1 la!! and at that time their promos is like a week away.. how can he ruin the NJ mugger spirit?! i scolded him, forced him to go home and study after he helped us take the pict.. ): naughty boy!!

we ate at.. umm.. umm.. forgot the name but it's a jap restaurant.. very affordable for students and the food's good too!! worth your money u know!! look at mom's (yellow person) bowl. she ordered the MINI ramen ok!! it's like a wok la!!

yumm.. (:

me and miaomiao.. poor girl rushed to meet us after meeting her bf.. took a cab from bukit timah to clarke quay during peak hour on a fri night!!! nvm la, she can afford it.. haha, who ask her go meet bf first..

okok, the food was too good.. this is my anticipated face.. shut up, i know what u r thinking.. im just excited!! dun judge me!!

final group pic.. (:

oh happy day.. (: *whoosh* back to reality.. oh sad day.. dun ask me why, i dun wanna talk about it.. anyway wang, if you are reading this.. IM HERE FOR YOU AND I CANT WAIT FOR FRIDAY!!


God has been very real, and im glad he's here for me.. i need his support or else thoughts of suicidal would be very real right now.. *nervous laughter* i wasn't a happy kid la.. haha, sad past, sad past.. NO LA!! joking joking lol

whee!! hope the china MT ppls are having a great time!! with each other, with the china students and with GOD!! i am so going to china whenever i can!! uhh!! pls open up opportunity for me to go!! i want i want!! :D

ok, i think i just did a very horrible thing to someone.. i think it was very uncalled for and now i feel really sorry about it.. it's like i totally didn't consider my actions at all.. :/ only liangzhi and weiyan will understand.. gosh... super guilty now.. i bet i'll go home and cry if someone did that to me.. AHH!! i can't live with this guilt!! i must totally change church.. move.. change my name or something.. sighh, IM SORRY!!.... ))):

anywayy.. was surfing the net and i chanced upon this.. it's hilarious!! it's about wad happened on one episode of Jay Leno's talk show.. sighh.. if you dunno who Jay Leno is, just pretend you do and read the story below.. it's funny!! ( ok, a very quick change of tone, but this story is really funny)

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold..and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah . It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants downand started. In the deep snow, she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic, and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing, however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about 'what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal. Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down.' And you thought your first date was embarrassing.

Jay Leno's comment...'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.'

Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

aww!!!.. they got married!! so super sweet la.. haha, i wouldn't mind going through that entire situation if i knew he'd be my husband.. ((: although getting peed on has gotta suck.. like what if he has aiming problems?!?

anyway, in case you're wondering why i haven't blogged in a relatively long time.. it's cos i have discovered the joy of written diaries.. lisaa!! you should try this out.. haha, i can write explicit details without worrying about what others might think.. i can express wad i truly feel without being judged or frowned upon.. i can write down prayers from my heart that don't hide anything.. it's very releasing!! ok, i admit releasing is a lousy word to use.. but u get wad i mean..

yupp.. and surprisingly.. when im angry or upset and start to pen things down, i somehow become cooler.. you can totally tell from my tone.. haha, from harsh words with hard and strong handwriting to a more relaxed thing.. i think it's very healthy!! ((: can practice my journalistic skills at the same time too..

phew... prelims are finally over!!! i give myself about 2 weeks to relax and have fun.. before going full-steam for A LEVELS!! so please people.. BOOK ME WHILE STOCKS LASTS!! haha.. i can't believe how life will be like after my As.. must start planning already.. haha!! muz look for high paying job that doesn't demand much time!! umm... that's impossible la.. but a girl can dream (:

cheerios (:

i know i seem to be blogging everyday... but it's totally justified ok!!! i've been working my butt off.. i can't say literally cos i think my butt became bigger due to the sitting down whole day MUGGING!!!!



i mugged from 10am till 6pm.. then started becoming restless and went to borrow books from the library in the end.. haha, if you take in my lunching time... i did 7 solid hours of work.. you got do before anot!??! never rite huh?!?!? then u all still blog everyday.. NOT JUSTIFIED!!! go do your projects la!! got a lot one ma not meh?!?! huh?!?! stupid poly pple...



HAHAH!!! no la no la... pls.. dun beat me up, i'm merely joking.. i know it can get tough in poly too la.. pple like lopez made me change my mind.. i think he really very stressed that kind.. always talking about his models and stuff... ):



anywayyy... i read 8 days recently and saw all the upcoming disney movies after wall-e and i'm super duper excited to go watch all of em!!!! i love disney movies.. although those hand drawn ones are much much nicer than the current 3D animated ones.. with songs and dances and stuff.. psst i loved enchanted la dun tell esther i said that.. i told her i hated it cos i was sitting next to her when we watched it..that girl cannot shut up man!! haha




she was like eeyer, you can see that she's wearing something to wrap her tummy!! fake one!! eeyer the prince is so not hot la pls!! eeyer the girl is not pretty at all lo... the cartoon prettier... sighhh..... throughout the entire thing ok.. haha, but i had fun.. i always have fun with esther, i love her!! (:




anyway... i went to varma's blog rite and then i took all the dumb quizzes i saw on that quiz website and i saw a DISNEY CARTOON QUIZ!! i totally aced it la.. so proud of myself.. still remember being a kid and singing along to ALL of the movies.. ((: i am so not dorky please!! everyone loves disney right??.. right?...... right?.... *crikets chirpping* umm heh heh.... lalala, *pretends nothing happened*




i can't wait for my entire A level nightmare to be over and then i will force lisa to take me somewhere far away on my magic carpet ride.. * starts singing a whole new world*......... okok, im sorry!! it happens.. umm.. i mean ya.. i was just telling my sis that i've never been out of southeast asia.. and that actually means i have only ever been to malaysia and thailand.. HOW PATHETIC IS THAT?!?!?!?!



after my A levels, lisa, can you bring me somewhere far away?.. with snow!! i've always wanted to see snow.. like falling snow.. i wanna know how it feel like to catch snowflakes.. build snowmen.. i love watching the rain fall, it makes me smile.. but it happens too quickly, snow would be perfect to just stare at... (yes yes.. i can self entertain very well.. i know.. )



usually snowy countries have..... HOT ANGMOH GUYS!!! whee!! can we go to like places with hot angmoh guys?!?.. grr.. i need a vacation man.. oh, if i have not enough money.. you can pay first and i'll pay you back by monthly installments!! with interest!! okok??




sighh.. who am i kidding?.. my mom will never allow that.. she wants to chain me by her side forever... )): she still calls me girl-ah sometimes.. I'M FRIGGIN 18 YEARS OLD MOM!! haha... maybe i'll sneak away when she's on a mission trip or something.. HAHA!! run away from home to see hot angmoh guys!!!! totally worth it rite?!.. i know.. *smiles*

You Are An INFP

The Idealist You are a creative person with a great imagination. You enjoy living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close to you. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic) standards. You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense feelings. At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist. How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak

What's Your Personality Type?

finally posting this up.. this is SOO super accurate!! i know sound just a little loserish for being so excited over a personality test, but oh well.. it's just hard to put down my personality in words and this is pretty close..



INFPs get along well with other INFPs.. which explains why i'm stuck with lisa i guess.. haha!! anyway, as seen from above, it is hard to get to know me.. but don't try too hard (ok, not like many ppl are clamouring to get to know me la.. ) cos i dun respond well to that.. for me, relationships should be a very natural thing.. it shouldn't be like, oh i plan to know you better.. oh i plan to build a relationship with you etc.. (which i know alot of ppl do)



it should be like.... natural!! ok, i know my vocab is very limited.. sorry about that.. yup, i think your friendships with pple reflect the kind of person you are.. and that's why i honestly have limited true friends.. because i only show my true self to ppl i can totally trust..



which brings me to my views on hypocrisy.. everyone has a little of that don't they?? i mean sometimes just trying to be polite to someone you really hate is being hypocritical wad.. but you're merely being polite!! well, i'm no saint and i do admit to having a facade sometimes..



like how i'm oddly happy all the time.. cracking stupid jokes, making fun of pple (psst weiyan time for you to start crying).. no one sees through it, or at least i think no one does.. oh well, i've thought about this before and i realise i do it cos i like being the caregiver.. i dun like worrying people, i dun like being the one who has to be taken care of..



well at least to most ppl i feel that way.. to pple whom i can be true to, THEY BETTER TAKE GOOD CARE OF ME!!! haha.. right now though i can only think of 2 or 3 pple who can do that... and surprisingly enough, darius chng my favourite chocolate boy is one of them!!


he knows when my smile is faked.. weird huh.. plus he does take care of me.. *wink wink* i know he does.. that night when he called cos i told him i had a bad day, i was touched.. (: luckily i know he doesn't read my blog, or else i will never tell him this.. so diu lian pls!!

i think i hold back my trust cos i hate being judged.. and not like i know alot of ppl who are downright judgemental.. but when you form a mental note of somebody, no matter how small?.. to me, i hate that.. and i know ALOT OF PEOPLE DO THAT!! yes, im talking about you.. haha.. like how if i say certain things that may not be so politically correct, judgements form in many people's minds.. but not with those i truly trust.. i know that doesn't happen... telepathic powers leh!!



with the "sarah will never be a wife" thing still ringing in my head i guess i should lower my standards huh.. haha!! i seriously dun think my standards are high ok.. it's just the combination of traits that i want is weird.. like how besides being smart, he has to be stupid.. so like he has to have both witty and stupid kind of humour, u know?.. haha.. very few people on this earth are like that! i think lisa is one.. although her stupid humour is like, her falling down and stuff, basic unglamness..



oh, and he has to know how to take care of me.. that is the hard part la, cos like i said, i only allow few pple to see my vulnerability, so he has to be one i am totally open with, then he can take care of me wad!! *shy..* haha



anyway, i WANT TO BE A WRITER!! all the girls out there, ok and some guys i guess.. read karen kingsbury's books!! they are good... i wanna be like her, cos i can't imagine myself writing like john ortberg or phillip yancey.. but i can see myself writing like her.. she writes fictional story books with christian themes.. beautiful.. (:



struggles normal christians go through.. like having a terminal disease, or the difficulty with sharing to a hard-hearted sister.. very heartfelt one the stories.. can cry!! eh eh, weiyan and ana can go read together la!! share the one piece of tissue again.. ((: ohhh... but i forgot.. do they even read in the first place!?!? haha..



i know this post has probably been a boring and long one.. but i guess if you managed to pull through and read every word.. you would have known the real me just a little better.. (:

cheerios!