i can't wait for this week to be over!!

: D

happy days haha

i wonder why MOE stopped giving me money.. did they somehow find out i used the money to buy clothes instead of books?!! haha, money rain down on me!! ( oops : x )

i've learnt.

life is what you make it.

everything is a choice.

so choose wisely.

regret ain't pretty.

and when you choose right, peace follows. joy kinda tags along too. heh (:

i wish you guys all the best!

all of you are in my prayers.

psst darius, i'm really glad emath went well for you *hugs* haha




i can see this unravelling
your love is where i'm falling
but please don't catch me..

urgh demi on the brains, can someone say WHARRT?... yea, i am ashamed. haha

you know how they say estrogen makes you have a sense of well being? it totally does. those scientists weren't lying haha.. the rain helps too yay!

i wanna post something christian-y soon.. whassat? you don't like it? SUCK EGGS!!

* restore to state of well-being*

i mean.. it comforts me so just ignore it, it's really for ME.. boomz <- so overused it ain't funny anymore people! get over her

haha that concludes this random post. i know i know, i wasted 5 minutes of your life.. i was bored of studying man!! ): sobs, roll your eyes at me, see if i care!!

you know my mom says, "roll your eye on me" ? HAHAHHAHA. on.

oh wowee (500) days of summer was so not what i expected!

i was thinking it'll be of good comedic relief ( and it was, kinda..) plus, c'mon chick flicks are SO the best kind of movies in the world!

but it turned out to be a non-typical kind of chick flick, i think it doesn't even belong in that genre.. it's not candy-coated and wrapped in sugar, there's no in-your-face romance and happy endings.. it was kinda artsy (lovee) and it brings you down to reality..

Next time, look again...

selective memory
sucks.

so anyway, i thought the lead was kinda pretty in a very different way, she looks a lil like katy perry haha.. pretty, i like pretty girls (:

i would think this movie's an acquired taste, but i kinda loved it..

breaks the notion of everything i once held so close to my heart.
love. so easy to forget its true meaning when it's so overused.
don't tell someone you love them unless you really mean it.
because sometimes, yes sometimes, they believe you.

a well deserved break! i think every sunday should be movie day haha.. just go out, catch a flick and not do anything depressing, like studying for physio.. ): wahh I.HATE.STUDYING. wish me luck! cos i think i'm gonna need it.. CAP 5.0? HAHAHHA i feel like laughing in my own face lol

An abyss of a vacuum,

our excuse for a heart.

Nothing remains, nothing grows.

A manifestation of emptiness.

Then hurt comes.

Then hurt stays.

Sealed the deal with a kiss,

the heart implodes.

Wounds paint a pretty picture,

the spectrum of a monochrome.

A smile written across my face,

because death is hidden.

A cold diamond in the rough,

worthless till refined.

Pick up the pieces,

upon it cry tears of regret.

Then move on, move on.

I am so tired. Too tired.

I read somewhere that the best way to curb moments like this is to set a timer for 20 minutes.

Cry your heart out.

Then move on.

I'm stuck in what I thought was a mere hole.

But it's a grave I've dug.

I see myself lying in it.

Rest in peace turmoil.

I pulled the trigger.

And the barrel was on my soul.

Time to move on.

Have i found what i was looking for?

Closure.

Maybe.

Maybe I never will.

But I will die trying.

Hold up Hold on
Don't be scared,
You'll never change what's been and gone


May your smile, (may your smile)
Shine on, (shine on)
Don't be scared, (don't be scared)
Your destiny may keep you warm,


Cause all of the stars,
Have faded away
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them someday,
Take what you need,
And be on your way and
Stop crying your heart out

Get up, (get up)
Come on, (come on)
Why you scared? (I'm not scared)
You'll never change what's been and gone


'Cause all of the stars,
Have faded away
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them some day,
Take what you need,
And be on your way and
Stop crying your heart out


'Cause all of the stars,
Have faded away
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them someday.
Just take what you need,
And be on your way and
Stop crying your heart out


We're all of the stars,
We're fading away.
Just try not to worry,
You'll see us someday.
Just take what you need,
And be on your way and
Stop crying your heart out...

Stop Crying Your Heart Out - Oasis




God showed me a vision of a cobra.. one with its head raised, all ready to strike.. it was hissing, swaying its head, meanacing eyes..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

then, it spat venom right at me

its rather abstract this picture.. lemme try to explain in the best way possible..
sometimes we underestimate the devil and we kinda expect him to attack us in a certain way.. we think he's predicatable and all.. but sometimes he strikes in a way we'd never have foreseen.. like spitting venom into your eyes instead of striking..

and our job is simple.. our job is to guard ourselves against EVERY attack, wield your mighty swords!

i should've seen it coming, i should've read the signs.. (whoo westlife haha)

i will guard my heart.



i met someone today
his name is atus
he's my best friend
say hi to him will ya?

until i find what'i'm looking for..
i foresee a barren wasteland
cheerios!!

Desert Song

VERSE 1:


This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides


VERSE 2:
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame


CHORUS:
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here


VERSE 3:
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

BRIDGE:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship


VERSE 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

 
what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger

warning: the following post is long and possibly hard to digest. ignore if you
(a) are not a chirstian
(b) hate reading
(c) don't really care about what goes through my mind

DO read if you
(i) are a thinker
(ii) have questions about certain facets of christianity(?)
(iii) do care about what goes through my mind



the complexity of life is often overlooked, for the wishing of simplicity clouds our judgement.
but in the simplest of terms, our lives are like onions.
layers upon layers of raw flesh.
sweet aroma to some, tear bearers to others.


to look at life one dimensionally would be shallow.
common fallacies flood the way we think.
i know this, in my head, i really do.
but to un-think 19 years of a one-track mind is not easy.


when my parents' relationship hit rock bottom i asked myself why would a great man and woman of God treat the relationship God has given them so lightly? they were still awesome ministers, touching the lives of others. they heard from God, they saw visions for the church. they were possibly at the height of their "spiritual life"
disclaimer: the whole parents thing is no longer a big issue.. this is a recollection

if you ask me, admist their angered voices that reside in my head, if they were doing spiritually well.. i would have to say yes..

because i know that they love God with all their hearts, i know that they are still close to Him.. i see my parents pray for hours, read the word of God, seek him fervently.. hence i conclude, they are spiritually healthy.


the next question would be, then why on earth are they treating each other with distasteful disrespect?


SNN asked me once.. if a leader gets into a relationship before the time is right, henceforth giving up his ministry and his capacity to serve God all because of a girl, is he spiritually unstable?


with that somehow a lightbulb came on. i replied with confidence.

No, it doesn't mean since he is in a relationship therefore he is not doing spiritually well. he may be the closest to God he has ever been in all his life, but he is numb to a particular area.


similarly, my parents may be close to God at that time.. the simplistic straightforward train of thought would be, then why doesn't God speak to them about their relationship or about tolerance and love for each other?


perhaps He did! but they were numb.. we humans are selective hearers, we listen to what we wanna hear, and dismiss whatever we don't.. if we do that to each other, what makes you think we don't do it to God?


so i say to you, just because you feel closer to God or you hear his voice more often or you feel you love him or know him more.. doesn't mean that every aspect of your life is now right with him.. there may be areas where you have not let him into yet..

i would not go ahead and conclude that those areas are areas of sin.. sin is a strong word and we often rationalise our actions so it won't be sin in our heads anyway.. but it is an area of avoidance, where you don't like to think about it.. could it be, possibly, cos you know it's an area you need to work on?

since you are doing "spiritually better" don't you feel the need to bring that area into the hands of God? run away no more.. may our lives be purely and wholly surrendered to him..


and to those who are dwelling in sin.. please allow me to say, this is not the end..

our identity supercedes our activity


we are victors in Christ.. we are holy and righteous.. we are, we are..

it's only a matter of tuning your actions to align with your identity.
not doing spiritually well? pick up your baggage and your sluggish feet, toss them to God and move on..

to my beloved kids, i do not know how many of you would read this.. i do not know how many of you would understand this.. but i do know that you know this.. start each day with a clean slate..


looking back only reduces the time to look forward.. things may be bad, you may feel your life isn't at all the way it should be.. but there's still time.. let not discouragement falter you, may your eyes look upon the One who died for you.. so you may be a holy nation, the temple of the living God..


please please please, align your actions with your identity.. in every aspect of your life..

Chris Tomlin says live like there's no tomorrow?
I say, love like there's no need for an echo..

the worst kind of nightmares are the recurring kind..

so i've been having this really freaky dream all week.
don't laugh as you read this.
no, you can't chuckle either.


so on monday i went to bed thinking about something totally unrelated to what was coming for me

*shudder*

i.dreamt.i.was.obese.


wahhhhhh it was so surreal! ok i admit the first time i dreamt it i sorta laughed to myself. like.. harharhar now i know what i look like disgustingly fat..


then when it started coming back again and again, night after night.. nobody's laughing no more!!

it's like everytime i close my eyes now i see this grossly massive whale of a woman.. and she has my face!! ahhh!!

I TOLD YOU NOT TO LAUGH!!

recently she ( i refuse to say i ) has been growing! like she's slowly taking up my entire peripheral vision.. it's like, i'm sorta looking into this gigantic mirror and the reflection i see is now so big i have to turn my head to see one side of "me"..


sigh... the omnious feeling is creeping up on me.. am i seeing the future?!!! haahahhahha

hmm on the bright side, at least i could still stand and wasn't like bed-bound or anything.. ):


well wells, on a lighter note..

check this out!! hahahha a twilight spoof that'll garner a good read i'll bet (:

the story follows a young high school student named Belle Goose who moves to Switchblade, Oregon, and meets Edwart Mullen, a “super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls.”


Belle is all about vampires and convinces herself that Edwart is in fact a being of the undead. She comes to this conclusion after seeing him do things she considers "otherworldly"(”Edwart leaves his Tater Tots™ untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!”).


i loved twilight so by no means is this some lame stab at twilight's genius (heh yea i think twilight's genius) but it sounds funny! totally bringing the faraway notion of vampires into the real world..

unfortunately i don't know if it'll be available here or not.. hmm, we'll see..

what IS available is dan brown's new book, the lost symbol.. i haven't read digital fortress or deception point!.. i need a book provider................. i sighed

anyway, yeah.. the lost symbol!! yea i know dan brown's books are all swiss-cheesy (full of holes haha i made a joke) with half truths and whole lies, but it makes a good read and i simply adore reading! plus plus only creatures of real intelligence can come up with believable lies haha.. thick plots coupled with fascinating codes etc etc.. dan brown is admittedly good people!

oh oh switchfoot has a new album too? hello hurricane.. do you still care? haha hmm

anyway, i found out i got my clumsy genes from my dad.. a 57 year old man taking a tumble ain't funny.. his ankle's like a pufferfish ):

it has been a sloooowwww week.. sigh

as i looked at the trickling rain on the window pane and traced the droplets with my fingers, i breathed in the musty smell of fresh rain.. i love it, the idea of being dry and comfy, protected really, when the whipping winds and peltering waters are just a glass pane away..


no, i don't enjoy being caught in the rain, makes my hair look like some cat threw up on my head.. but i love how i know i am safe from the elements though it is roaring outside.. that feeling of being sheltered, makes me feel all fuzzy inside.. that's why i adore rainy days.. it instantaneously makes me have a mental picture of an old couple cuddling on a bench, under the shelter of their porch.. they are probably drinking hot chocolate as they look out at the rain and laugh about the good old days.. yummylicious


do you know if you stare at the ripples the rain makes on the ground long enough, you can probably spot a pattern?.. i know, marvel at my time wasting skills haha.. anyway, i was just about to say au revoir et bonne chance..


till good days, cheerios