ok, today has not been very productive at all.. i didn't get any work done.. i feel lazy, oh well.. i guess it's true that you can't be productive everyday.. anyway, after surfing youtube, i came across so so many old christian songs that i miss and love..



it feels very very good to be close to God.. it's the kind of feeling that nothing else can replace or even come close to.. i had a very looong conversation with him on wednesday night, it felt good.. ok actually it felt bad when it was actually happening cos he made me do something........



haha, nvm.. private joke with God.. u have or not!? dun have right?!? go get one.. haha, im the most true to myself in front of God.. i wonder how people without God can even have the strength to live each day.. it's appalling.. i NEED my daily dose of true quiet time to survive.. clinging on is hard business..



do i sound like im dying?.. haha, from some terminal disease or something... clinging on for dear life.. nahh.. it's true that i would be dying inside la if not for the grace and the love of God..




as a leader in cell and stuff, i've always felt that i have to be able to give good advice to people who need it.. give encouragement, give support, give solutions.. but i've come to realise that the best advice you can give a person is not through what you say, it's through what you do..


cos i can be smart and say wise stuff that seem so godly, that seem like the perfect thing to do.. but you know what?.. i really don't know how hard it can be to do those stuff.. until, that is, i actually do it..


nah, not that i dun practice what i preach etc.. it's just that i have finally seen why God placed me in hard times for.. it's so that when i overcome it, people can look at me and say, " if she can do it, so can i" for it is my life that counts, not what i say that counts.. i face doubts, trust issues, failures, insecurities.... so that i can understand how they feel..



just like Jesus right?.. he faced temptations and stuff, so he understands how we feel.. dun you hate it when for eg your parents go through a divorce or something.. and random pple come up to you and say, "it's ok.. i understand how you feel....." ya like real you understand.. you've never been through it, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND..



i see now that i go through these things so others can be helped through it.. so from now on i'm going to face my problems upfront, and see it as a thing i HAVE to go through to help others.. i'm not gonna run away from it, push it to the back of my head like i used to do.. i'm going to face it strongly,with God of cos.. for it is not all about me.. it's about God's people, it's about God's people that i love..