ok this might sound very random but i just thought of something.. after my a levels, i wanna create a scrapbook.. with photos and notes, letters etc.. i will put my artistic talent (?) to good use and create a beautiful one.. i was just thinking about that.. life is too short to miss out on all the good stuff.. so i wanna treasure all the good times i have now..



so people, must be willing to take photos with me when i want to.. i want it to be something that i will never fail to smile at when i look at it.. all who are near and dear to my heart will be inside.. so prestigious rite i know!! haha.. it's for selfish reasons no doubt.. i just suddenly feel like treasuring what i have right now.. weird rite.. must be the stress, haha, eating my brains away,, oh well, not much to start with la..



oh, since a levels only a week, ok, 6 days away.. i decided to post all my post exam plans now since i won't be blogging till after As.. just warn you first.. haha.. so my blogg will be deader than dead since it already is dead now la.. lol



#1: get a good paying job!! i dun mind long working hours, although preferably not cos i really wanna spend more time with my kids and all.. but, i need money.. nono, im not a money-hungry gold digger.. haha, i need money for impt stuff... trust me..


#2: go to some nice place with lisa!! spa for the very first time in my life!! i've never had facials or wadever before!! i need to pamper myself after my a levels.. haha.. (anathan, dun be jealous la, i have clear skin cos of good genes.. lol, so i never go facial also like that.. LOL!!)


#3: lose weight!! i had a very brief but interesting discussion with hanyang that day.. i said generally, fat guys still got girls want, but fat girls no guys will want.. he agreed although he tried to make things better by saying i will have someone want one.. haha, but it didn't work, so i gotta work the fats off!! (not like im looking for a guy la.. just saying..haha)


#4: go the USA with my aunt in jan!! it'll be winter time!! and my dream of seeing snow will finally be fulfilled!! plus hot angmoh guys!!! WHOO!! although the purpose of the trip is cos there is a mission conference over at her church so i got invited.. lol, but still... hot angmoh guys with cold snow!! wheeeeeeee!!!


#5: pray my butt of for a direction in my life.. i dunno when i have to submit my university application.. im hoping for more time so i have a clear GOAL in my life.. haha, bryan called me and we talked and he said dream big cos it's free!! yeah, by pastor song.. im amazed at bryan!! new christian and so on fire!!


#6: spend loads and loads of time with my kids.. i really dun mind rotting at weiweijiejie's house just playing guitar hero all day.. it's the people that count!! although wwjj should really get a healthier lifestyle la!!! we should all go out to jog together so i can shun bian attain goal #3!!


#7: rent and watch all the movies i can!!! plus plus plus.. rent stuff like gossip girls, heros, prison break, grey's anatomy, and KOREAN DRAMAS!!.. watch till my eyes shrival up like a raisin.. some may say they already look like raisins, but... that's not true!! maybe prunes la, but not raisins!! but after a levels, they will look like raisins.. then i will have smaller eyes than ana.. whom i truly believe have smaller eyes than me currently!! ):


#8: borrow books from the library!! sidney sheldon, tess gerritsen, karan kingsbury.. diff authors, diff genre of books, diff styles of writing.. but i love them all.. after reading all of them, my eyes will probably be none existent.. maybe just a fine line that gets mixed up with smile lines on my face (yes, smile lines, not wrinkles.. wrinkles are for old ppl like lisa!! haha) but i dun care, i wanna do what i wanna do!! lol


#9: spend so much so much time with God.. for he is the one who has never left me, who has always been there for me, whom i have been drawing strength from.. i wanna get to know him so much better, for i owe him my life.. literally..


ok that's all for now.. haha, maybe i will update the list.. but until then, tata for now till november 20th!! remember this date and call/sms me on that day to congratulate me ok??!! ((: bye

i saw an ant crawling over all my work today so i decided to kill it.. (hey, the ant started it first ok.. it crawled over my stuff!! it deserved to die.. dun judge me.. lol) so anyway, i proceeded to use my very dainty little finger to crush it.. but i didn't press hard enough and only half of it's body got crushed..



so anyway, the ant laid there stunned for awhile, then it proceeded to lift half of it's crushed body using only the other alive half to try and escape my clutches.. it was struggling so hard to move a mere millimetre.. then my heart went out to the little ant and i regretted attempted to kill it.. so in the end being the very compassionate person that i am, i used my dainty little finger............... to crush it good and proper this time.. to put the poor ant out of it's half-dead misery... i should totally get the nobel peace prize or something, i know...




ok, so what's the use of telling you this very morbid story?.. it's to show you that a mere ANT tries its hardest to live.. struggling to get up again after being half crushed to death.. it's only a stupid ant.. that ant has no purpose in life except to bring food for the colony.. and if it's lucky, it would get to help fertilise the queen.. so more baby ants can be given the GIFT of life.. despite their life being totally meaningless, they fight to live.. they struggle for their survival.. they claw their way to existence..




yet often we humans, decide to give up on life just cos we had a little trouble on the way... or the journey wasn't smooth enough for our liking.. until your body has been half-crushed by some random giant, you do not have the right to give up on your life.. for then, you would be less than an ant..




i do admit that maybe 2 weeks ago i would not be able to say this, because i too would be the very common whiny/complaining human you see way too often on this earth.. but when you stay close to God, things like this make sense to you.. we do not live for our own, we live for our King.. everything that i go through in my life right now would be what my Lord has planned for me.. why can i rejoice when the smooth part of the plan is happening.. yet whine my butt off when the rough times come?..



for everyone faces tough times.. everyone face trials.. i mean shouldn't i be thankful for just being able to say that at least i dun run the risk of being crushed by some unfeeling giant everyday?.. i've got someone wayyy up there looking out for me 24/7.. and though i fear and worry sometimes, i know that they are unnecessary doubts.. for why would the One who CHOSE to die for me cos he LOVES me too much, allow me to go through harm?..




i watched Oprah's big give last sunday and i learnt this.. that whatever position you are in, you will ALWAYS be able to find someone less fortunate and suffering more than you are now.. so why dun you see what you are facing now as a blessing instead of a curse?.. now this is what i call being a glass-is-half-full kinda person..




so even though what i am going through now is some real terrible shit, i will not give up.. i will not say that i quit.. i will struggle through and emerge victorious.. for i know my Lord has plans for me.. plans that will prosper me, give me a HOPE and a FUTURE.. and i want to work with him, i want to work for him, for i work because of him..



nono, i wasn't suicidal.. it was just that i felt like giving up soooo many times.. and in the past i HAVE given up so many times.. i lie in my bed asking God so many questions.. i cry myself to sleep at night.. but i realise now that it was all a waste of my time, energy and emotions.. because why do i give up when i have God's STRENGTH to sustain me?.. why do i doubt when i believe in an UNFAILING God.. why do i question when everything he does is out of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE..



everything happens for a reason.. you may not know what the reason is.. but what does it matter? since GOD KNOWS.. it may be hard to trust that everything is in the palm of God's hands especially when struggles do occur in your life.. but don't focus on the problem because what good does that do?.. focus on the Lord for through him we draw strength..




i think this post is rather random.. it was really all triggered by that half dying ant that i crushed.. did God use an ant to speak to me?.. more importantly i hope, did God use a dying ant to speak to YOU?..

i am BACK!! just here to dedicate a post to my dear KIRBYYY!!! i realise i don't have many pictures of him, and what i do have, i dun have time to upload.. but everyone knows and loves kirby!! so no need for pictures la huh..



the dancing, singing, self-taught-piano-and-guitar playing, totally wonderfully talented kirby is celebrating his birthday today!!!! sigh and im stuck at home mugging.. )): i think lisa's dating him right now.. sighh super jealous.. WHY EVERYONE WANNA MARRY LISA AND NOT ME?!?! so unfair la.. im sad!!..



anyway, just a little update for those who are concerned for me.. albeit not many but i know they exist out there!!! haha, im doing fine.. mugging has been surprisingly productive!! that brightens up my day.. haha, although it has suddenly dawned on my that i have no idea where i wanna go after A levels.. as in which faculty and course etc.. impt decision lehh!! and i have NO idea.. haha..


there exists problems in cell and everything.. but with GOD and dear darius, im sure it'll all be over soon!!.. at least my mood hasn't spiralled out of control, so everything still looks solvable.. actually honestly, through all these hicccups, i see the devil working over time on my people and that makes me frustrated but excited at the same time since... we all know the stupid devil only attack people he sees as threats.. so meanwhile im gonna do all i can to help them, and then sit back and see the devil get defeated.. right?..



well, A levels are exactly 14 days away.. that's like 2 weeks.. and my heart pumps really hard and fast whenever i think of that.. but everything is in God's hands, im prepared for whatever happens.. haha.. oh oh, i must thank weishun!!! for being so so sweet.. (: weishun is very good!! girls!! go and attack him ok?!? he'll take good care of u one.. haha



i promise after my a levels i'll become crazy.. so pls make yourselves available to go crazy with me.. lisa, take leave!! abi and esther, bring on the bangs!! (ok actually i really think i can't pull off bangs but im BALDING!!! how?!?) my small group, better have mega fun outing!! dvd shops, prepare your stocks for i am renting them all!! heh heh.. despite everyday being 1 day closer to the nightmare, it also brings me one day closer to the rainbow at the end.. i'm trying to be a glass-is-half-full kinda girl..



okok, i gotta go.. sigh, i heard next sunday got some plans lehh... but i cannot go!! roar!!! nvm, at least got wedding dinner to eat.. shark's fin soup!! yeah yeah.. no, i am not being cruel by eating sharks fin.. if u think i am, go be vegetarian la!! eat chicken also cruel wad.. eat your tofu la!! some people believe plants have feelings too lehh.. then how?!? drink water only la!!



ok sorry, very random at the end.. haha, but i just dun get how poeple can be vegetarians.. i love my meat!! lol.. ok and before i go.. for one last time..



HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIRBY!! I LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH!! WHOO!!
:D be honored

it is now 3.30pm and i just woke up from a loong loong nap.. yes, i obviously was not studying during the nap, but i don't feel guilty at all.. i think i deserve a good rest.. my body is breaking down.. did you know i started having the kind of flu with GREEN mucus again?... sigh, signs of heatiness to my mom.. signs of great stress to me..



did i have a stressful week? yes.. did i have an upsetting week? yes... but did i have a good week?.. YES YES YES...

thanks to all who showed concern for me.. i read lisa's blog, and my sentiments exactly.. it is all worth it.. the stress, the tears that they've brought me?.. well, i'd choose to go through it all again for what i have with them now.. hearing them tell me that they love me.. knowing that they are concerned for me.. listening to them try to console me.. realising i'm not alone for they stand with me...



i love esther, abi and mabel for they make me laugh.. at them/with them, they just do and i appreciate every moment of it.. i love darius although he calls at the worst of times, but he calls... i love kirby cos he's brave enough to tell me that he loves me, i know it takes alot for a guy to say that, and he does.. i love shaun cos he tells me things only a true friend would say.. i love alastair cos i see him try to be strong for me.. i love everyone of them.. too many to name right now, but know that i love you...



and i may not be able to care in a bigger capacity right now, but believe me i want to so so much.. i can only imagine the kind of pain SHE is going through right now.. i want to be there for her cos i know how much it is hurting.. not the extent of it, but i know it hurts.. and one day when i have to do the same thing, i can only hope that they can do the same for me too.. but even if they don't, i know my whole journey has been worth it.. every single second of it..



sigh, im tearing up again.. must be because i'm listening to ong's guitar piece as i type this.. it's a beautiful piece i must say, very well played.. it touches my soul.... isn't is funny that you realise how much you've got, how much God had given you, how much you've been blessed with, ONLY WHEN YOU TAKE THE TIME YOU SIT BACK AND LOOK AT IT ALL.......

sigh... because of my stupid unforeseen illness, i had loads of catching up to do this week cos for a few days all i could do was stare blankly at my notes.. (cos the medicine's drowsy effect was taking, well... effect on me) so i was sleepy all day for many days.. couldn't do much, very frustrating..


hope to get back on track.. but this week.. due to the EXTRA work... i felt very bad all week cos i kept having to reject people who wanna spend time with me.. i feel like such a pig.. (oi, stop laughing) like i missed dinnering with lisa ana and weiyan, talking to esther when she needed me, and ong when he wanted to chat.. sigh, i feel like i have to give up spending time with people i love just cos of stupid a levels.. sucks man )):


anyway, last week was very DRAMATIC.. i can't deal with drama in my life now.. i really gotta hold on to God for strength while He brings me through this.. all other unnecessary trouble i really dun need right now.. God please solve this..



im gonna start my studying marathons tmr.. wish me luck!! haha, around 7-8 hours of pure studying PER DAY excluding weekends.. all the way till my exams.. i finally have to admit that.. I AM A MUGGER NERD!!! oh oh, and im FINALLY gonna start running again tmr.. although that time of the month coming, hope my cramps aren't unbearable..


y the sudden urge to run?? cos my cousin's getting married on oct 26 and i gotta look decent or else all my stupid (okok, not stupid just annoying) aunties will be all, " did you gain weight??" " you look fatter!! what happened?!?" "aiyo... fat already ar!!" *proceeds to poke at my oozing fats*


ya you get the idea.. *sadness* and i know it's only like 2-3 weeks till oct 26, but i gotta try la.. my fats are seriously oozing out.. (ana, you better stop laughing now ok!!) oh... i realise that oct 26 is a special day!! (: but if you all planning to go out on that day, sorry.. got a wedding to attend.. maybe the night before ok?? only the ring will understand la.. (: *sadako climbs out of the TV screeen* NO LA!! not sudoku the number game la.. you know the long haired ghost?!? sigh, lisa ar.. stop thinking of complicated stuff ok... (:


ok, im tired.. like really tired.. my sleep cycle is very irregular now.. dunno why.. i'm sleep deprived!! )): ok, gotta go SLEEEEEPP now.. cheerios!! (:

THE FOUR BLESSED LOOKS

Look back and 'Thank' God

Look forward and 'Trust' God.

Look around and 'Serve' God.
Look within and 'Find' God.

I asked God, 'How do I get the best out of life?'

God said, 'Face your past without regrets.
Handle your present with confidence.
Prepare for the future without fear!'
'Without God, our week is: Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday,
Thirstday, Fightday, Shatterday and Sinday.
So, allow Him to be with you every day.
'Life is short, so forgive quickly. Believe slowly..
Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably. Never regret

anything that makes you happy.
And have a wonderful journey.

wang sent me this email.. i thought it was pretty interesting.. (: so little ol unselfish me decided to share it.. haha.. never regret anything that makes you happy though??.. a little controversial huh.. of cos not the drugs taht make you "high" kind.. but, people have different priorities/ tastes&preferences in life i guess.. so wad makes you happy might make someone else really really upset?.. so should you still do it?..


that bothers me cos.. if im your fren, and you do something that makes me irritated but doesn't affect anyone, i'll still let you do it.. (like maybe dig your nose in public) so why can't you do the same thing for me?? (NO!! i dun dig my nose in public).. just someone came to mind.. and it's upsetting.. lol, ignore me..



anyway, im here to announce that in exactly 1 MONTH, my a levels would have started.. so i'm gonna be cutting down on the blogging and increasing the intensity of my studying.. which is already very intense, seriously.. sigh, sad sad me.. so that is why, you people should encourage me with material goods no??



weishun, where are my chocolates?.. i want happy food, food that makes me happy.. ok some may say that all food makes me happy, but that is not true.. i mean things like pig intestines?!? like why do people eat things like that?!?! and century egg?? isn't that soaked in horse's urine!??! why eat that?!!?? sigh.. i would never comprehend why man invent gross stuff to eat.. oh wells.. (:


ok, that concludes my last post for a very long time.. tata!!