why am i so weak?.. why do i always fall for the same trick over and over again?.. i'm tired.. yes, i'm crying.. maybe cos it's that time of the month.. maybe the devil is working over-time on me.. well, he's winning so far.. cos disappointment, sadness, everything that pulls me down engulfs me..



i feel like giving up.. why should i even bother right?......



yet i know the answer to that question is wrong... i want to be used by you, but is it really meant to be that hard?..



what is wrong?.. is it cos i haven't relied on you enough?.. maybe...



prayer prayer prayer........



wow, thanks God, for speaking to me even as i type this depressing blog...



uh, no need to rant anymore.. this is amazing, experiencing God this way.. umm, never before..



i think as u're reading this you're lost.. haha, that's probably cos u dun know how long this post took to be posted?.. it took a long time.. lol



stopped halfway and prayed.. lol.. ermm.. *awkward silence*


till next time?...

i would prefer it if only YI people read this.......


i just had a breathtaking encounter with God last night.. i wanna share it.. what better way to do that than to blog huh?..


so anyway, last night after QT, i just felt like spending more time with God so i took my mp3 player and started playing christian songs.. so i was listening to the oldies (which are the goodies) and when i was listening to "so you would come" i just started to cry...

Before the world began You were on His mind And every tear you cry Is precious in His eyes Because of His great love He gave His only Son Everything was done So you would come Nothing you can do Could make Him love you more And nothing that you've done Could make Him close the door Because of His great love He gave His only Son Everything was done So you would come

Come to the Father Though your gift is small Broken hearts, broken lives He will take them all The power of the Word The power of His blood Everything was done So you would come

it just reminded me of what great love my God has for me.. it all boils down to the basics.. why am i a Christian? the Christ who loved me so much that he left heaven to come down to this filthy earth.. only to be mocked and killed in the worst way known to man.. he knew what was coming, but he chose to do it.. for me.... for His LOVE for me....


what an AWESOME God i serve and love.. that word is still so far from describing my God, but it's the best i can think of.. AWESOME... i stand in AWE of him, not being able to do anything else but marvel at him.. and that is so important.. that is the FIRST LOVE!


but what has this generation of of Christians become? we are re-living the days of the pharasees! rules for this, rules for that.. how much alcohol can you take before you have broken God's law? how much time do you spend praying/ reading the bible? what are classified as "bad" words and what are not?


WHAT'S ALL THIS FOR?!? God loves you, you love God.. you love God ALOT.. that's all it takes for everything else in your life to take a life of it's own.. how can you scrutinise your life and others' lives for the things they "should not do" when you have totally missed the whole point?! "don't do this, it's bad" of cos if you say this in context of someone slicing her wrist, then fine.. but focusing on little little things like...


when addressing God, use a capital "H" for Him. and i know many are wondering what i'm talking about but the discipleship book always uses a capital H when describing God. when andy asked weihao to do discipleship one time, he was reading the verse and said that we can draw the conclusion that the verse is talking about God cos the verse used a capital H. from then on i thought when addressing God, H and not h must be used. somehow to symbolise his authority or something?


well i realised that the bible did not used H when addressing Jesus or God.. but i was held under that bondage for so long.. as if when i don't use H, i'm dishonouring God's name... how did all these "rules" come about?? what are we christians subjecting ourselves to??


come back to the basis of your belief.. that Jesus, God's only begotten son, came down to earth to die for you and me.. so that we may not perish, but have eternal life.. hold on to THAT.. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.. hold on to THAT.. stop holding on to petty rules, dos and don'ts..


cos as long as you truly love God.. you would be in tune with God.. you would seek HUNGRYLY and DESPERATELY for him each day.. you would KNOW what you should be doing, what you should not be doing.. why bother wasting your time and energy trying to draw lines through grey areas?.. shouldn't GOD be the focus of your lives.. not the rules??.. shouldn't the love for God and the love God has for you be why you go to church each day?...


food for thought i guess...............

hi anonymous person who blogged!


i dunno y seeing another anonymous tagger made my stomach lurched.. ok, actually i know why.. after a seriously traumatising experience, i just wish my blog was dead.. ok, i should stop thinking about that.. anyway mr/ms anonymous should be a christian i assume.. so he/she should be nice.. haha.. cos christians are nice!!


anyway, gotta get back to gp research.. just dropped by my blog to see the tag so decided to post.. see ya!!

*busy busy little me*... or maybe not so little.. FATS!!!