"you turn to God first before you turn to man, because ultimately, God is the best person who can give you the best advice, the best solution"
or something along those lines..


sounds simple enough, sounds like something i'd tell people.. but i guess, i haven't really been living that out fully?.. taking God's advice as a SUGGESTION?..


"wadever God tells you to do, just do it"
true true.. i believe in this, but does it automatically mean i do it?.. nope, not really..


that's why we not only have to believe in our hearts, we have to confess with our mouths.. cos we can believe in something but not live it out.. i've just been too blind to see that i'm committing it.. service was good, it spoke to me..... not only in terms of cell, and studies... just, it spoke into my life..



to the person who said the above quotes to me?.. you know who you are, i think.. im not sure u'll read this?.. but thanks, thanks alot... it may have been a casual remark to you, but it spoke to me.. (:


i never thought in a million years i'd have forged friendships with you two.. and i am so glad i did.. im sorry for being a liability for now, i've not had a startling revelation about God recently, like i always did in the past.. i can almost see myself stuck in a pit now.. quicksand or something.. and i see God streching his hand out to save me.. and beside him are you two, doing all you can to help me out too..


and when i'm out of this deep pit, when im holding hands with God walking along the road with him.. i promise i'll do all i can to help you out too if you ever get stuck in a pit.. the pit may be smaller than mine, or it may be much larger.. but i hereby promise to do all i can to save u.. like you have done to save me too..


i would very much like to announce your names, but this aint exactly a private blog.. i hope you know that im talking about u.. and i do really wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart..


lisa's short sharing during cell was very different.. i thank her for doing it.. cos, it spoke to me, and it allowed God to speak to me too.. lisa touched a little on visions and stuff.. i used to have that.. i used to see vivid pictures of God's messages.. moving pictures that spoke messages so strong it brought me down to my knees, with a desperate cry in my heart.. i used to get them.. wad happened?.. i dunno.. or maybe i do?...


and when lisa's mind went blank and i shared a little something.. it felt like God was speaking through me.. it's been long since i last felt that too.. when the group was smaller, we used to flow so smootly, God was obviously in control all the time..


me and darius clicked.. when i asked him to prepare p&w, he'd prepare songs that corresponded to my message when he didn't know wad i was gonna share.. when we had prayer meetings, people break down and cry right there in cell.. i remember that.. wad happened?..


i can say well, a levels happened, that's wad.. but im not playing the blame game any longer.. i recognise it is my fault, my bad time management, my bad decisions.. God help my small group, God, help me..



and in case u think this is very emo, it is so not.. my heart is rejoicing, i have found the problem.. and i am gonna solve it.. and im gonna be lovin' it.. (im lovin' it!..) ok actually i dun like macdonalds.. oh well.. (: