on hiatus till further notice.

lack of inspiration.

fear of stifled emotions.

greater fear of released feelings.

yawn.

is it possible to long for something but not know what it is?

cos i could've sworn (but i won't) that my heart growled just now.. you know, like a hunger pang?

true it could've been a heart murmur of some sort (those aren't dangerous are they??)

haha oh wells, even if it is what the hey..

but yeah, i think my heart is aching from something lost, or never had before.. weird

lemme cheer myself up with....


pictures from the sleepover cum birthday celebration!! whee

i saw the cake long before it reached us cos noe was like umm tiptoeing towards us?!! haha, so i decided to act surprised just for the camera.. dramatic effect you know..

our gorgeous cake haha

my "what do we do now?" face

YAY! no one ate that thing, it tasted kinda nasty hahh

our super cute cards HANDMADE by baobao!! i love handmade stuff

girls picture!! the guys were facebooking or something.. pfft FB-ING?!!

i've successfully learnt the art of twit posing..

finally done with the FB-ing guys?!! look at my baobao she is adorable!

bao? no creativity much? do another pose next time, you should learn from twits, they are geniuses!! haha.. ahwei, were you that bored? sigh, give me a nice pose and i'll let you go back to fb..

woah, SHUAI DAI LE AH WEI!! haha resident beng is here to stay

ps: anyone else notice nao's retarded face? BWAHAHHA

this year's bday feels like it'll be very uneventful haha.. not that i mind, quiet gatherings of close intimate friends are best!

but yea, somehow this year i'm just not all that excited for my birthday, it doesn't even feel like it's coming lol.. maybe it's cos i'm getting old...

or maybe it's the eruption of horrid events that place themselves very nicely, like a red-carpet, leading all the way up till my birthday! awesome

hmm, gotta find a way to fill that empty feeling in heart.. will food do it? haha, shall go give it a shot..

im fat. deal with it. D:

wisps of mist you call breath
but what is breath?
a mere sign of life?
how can something so robust be determined by insignificant fog?

and yet how true it is
that life dangles on a string
hangs on a thread
the fibres break
the seams tear

life lost is inevitable
but will yours be inconsequential?
take the reins
hold onto them fast

when your lungs hold no air
when your veins carry no blood
when your mind spring forth no thoughts
when your heart. is empty.
will it be too late?


R.I.P.
i will treasure them now

If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything..


what are the convictions in your life?
what are the beliefs you hold on to at the end of everyday?

"because our gospel came to you not simply with words, but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and with deep conviction."
1 Thess 1:5


without conviction, no one will believe what you claim to.

hold on to what you believe.

i have chosen the narrow road.

for i walk through it with power and the Holy Spirit.

may i hear a resounding amen please? heh


cheers

to follow or to lead?

conform or step out?

irony how the people who teach nonconformism pressure people into a mould

easy way out or hard way in?

narrow is the road less taken

dangerous is the narrow road

i could fall into pits of self righteousness and pride

too hard a journey, how do i know it'll be worth it?

the wide roads calls out to me


drive a stake through it
quench the fire within it
torn to pieces
chewed off my sleeve
it beats. no more

woweeeeee i'm back people!! have i even been missed?! haha, i was at camp and it was beyond great.. it was awesome.. i've learnt so much more than i expected i would.. i mean considering i didnt expect much and all.... hmm

oh the sea of potential husbands did fight for my attention though.. HAHHAHHHAA please i'm kidding.. i honestly wasnt even thinking about that.. the camp was just so God oriented that all my energy was spent on him haha.. oh but the people were awesome.. i've come to meet the most genuinely nice people on the face of this earth and i am so glad i went for camp..

i owe it all to charlene tan oh and God of cos, who had his hand on everthing thoughout.. ahhhhh i'm like super tired but super happy right now.. like incredulously happy and satisfied.. it feels so good to be so close to God and of cos people of God who happen to be in the same age group hahh.. i'm lovin it :D

thanks all for the concern.. and ahwei, do you realise half of what you said are insults? sheesh, so much for comfort.. but that's why i love ya though hehhhh



psst bao, please say you'd drink the milo i make kay? ahwei has no faith in me.. he fails to realise that the other time's milo tasted so bad cos the spoon was too short and when used as a stirrer all the powder was sedimented at the bottom of the flask, hence resulting in drain-water-ish milo hmm :/



anonymous? i have a pretty good idea who you are.. thanks anyway







nothing cures a shallow heart like mine better than a chick flick marathon and junk food.. no one wants to bring me to udders it is so unfair.. i.need.my.ice.cream yes, this is a threat





after basically spending two whole days doing nothing but eating and numbing my mind with mushy-gushy love stories i have OFFICIALLY gained 2kg.. lisa, you must be happy ): that's like preposterous i know.. i am udder-ly disappointed with myself.. (notice my cleverly hidden subliminal message sprawled across this sentence)


times like these make me NOT WANNA RUN or think of losing weight, i WILL regret this but if music's food for the soul, ice cream's food for the heart.. it mends it..


did anyone see the moon last night? it was gorgeous, like God put it there in the sky right in front of my house for me to gaze upon and remember that he's there for me.. sweeeeet.


breathe in.
breathe out.
pulse seems fine.
great.
cue smile.
:D
i'm fine dudes and dudettes,
really

my abandoned wasteland welcomes me back



i wish i had the magical ability of expressing myself in words well.. both in a way that tickles your spirit (esther does it oh so well it amazes me) and also gets the message across well.


i don't have that. used to think i did. but i don't. cos right now what i'm feeling? i can't express it no matter how i try.


maybe cos i'm confused. maybe i don't even know what i want to say.


disappointment? present.

not with you, with me.


don't you hate it when you do/say stuff that you regret later?




if there was an award for that i'd win hands down, no competition.

i'm irrational and stupid, impulsive, impatient.


how can someone who spends so much time thinking also spend so much time doing things that lack thought?


ahh wait i know, i spend time thinking about what i regret doing.. whoa, vicious cycle. i'm caught



i impress myself with my innate ability to sprout nonsense that i don't agree with.

perhaps the problem's that i don't have a conviction.


do you know how it feels like having your heart stabbed repeatedly such that it is completely riddled with scars and wounds? wait for it.. the best part?.. i did it to myself.



emotional self mutilation? check


i'm a wreck..

staying strong is hard work. wisdom's not exactly one of my strong points really. what are my strong points again? i forget.


wrote this a few days ago. came so naturally it felt like i was merely resurfacing something buried under the lies.

Facades of different colours

Masks strewn everyplace

Take your throne chameleon

Partake in your dissemblement

Tongues burn

Teeth chatter

Lips tied together

I can say nothing?

I will say nothing.

A spider trapped in it's own weave

Struggle, feeble, destined to die

Cornered by deceit

My deception

Excuses of love

Attempts at vindication

But one forgets

Love does not delight in evil

But rejoices with the truth

God, forgive me. I have sinned. Change me, your approval alone I seek.