i saw an ant crawling over all my work today so i decided to kill it.. (hey, the ant started it first ok.. it crawled over my stuff!! it deserved to die.. dun judge me.. lol) so anyway, i proceeded to use my very dainty little finger to crush it.. but i didn't press hard enough and only half of it's body got crushed..



so anyway, the ant laid there stunned for awhile, then it proceeded to lift half of it's crushed body using only the other alive half to try and escape my clutches.. it was struggling so hard to move a mere millimetre.. then my heart went out to the little ant and i regretted attempted to kill it.. so in the end being the very compassionate person that i am, i used my dainty little finger............... to crush it good and proper this time.. to put the poor ant out of it's half-dead misery... i should totally get the nobel peace prize or something, i know...




ok, so what's the use of telling you this very morbid story?.. it's to show you that a mere ANT tries its hardest to live.. struggling to get up again after being half crushed to death.. it's only a stupid ant.. that ant has no purpose in life except to bring food for the colony.. and if it's lucky, it would get to help fertilise the queen.. so more baby ants can be given the GIFT of life.. despite their life being totally meaningless, they fight to live.. they struggle for their survival.. they claw their way to existence..




yet often we humans, decide to give up on life just cos we had a little trouble on the way... or the journey wasn't smooth enough for our liking.. until your body has been half-crushed by some random giant, you do not have the right to give up on your life.. for then, you would be less than an ant..




i do admit that maybe 2 weeks ago i would not be able to say this, because i too would be the very common whiny/complaining human you see way too often on this earth.. but when you stay close to God, things like this make sense to you.. we do not live for our own, we live for our King.. everything that i go through in my life right now would be what my Lord has planned for me.. why can i rejoice when the smooth part of the plan is happening.. yet whine my butt off when the rough times come?..



for everyone faces tough times.. everyone face trials.. i mean shouldn't i be thankful for just being able to say that at least i dun run the risk of being crushed by some unfeeling giant everyday?.. i've got someone wayyy up there looking out for me 24/7.. and though i fear and worry sometimes, i know that they are unnecessary doubts.. for why would the One who CHOSE to die for me cos he LOVES me too much, allow me to go through harm?..




i watched Oprah's big give last sunday and i learnt this.. that whatever position you are in, you will ALWAYS be able to find someone less fortunate and suffering more than you are now.. so why dun you see what you are facing now as a blessing instead of a curse?.. now this is what i call being a glass-is-half-full kinda person..




so even though what i am going through now is some real terrible shit, i will not give up.. i will not say that i quit.. i will struggle through and emerge victorious.. for i know my Lord has plans for me.. plans that will prosper me, give me a HOPE and a FUTURE.. and i want to work with him, i want to work for him, for i work because of him..



nono, i wasn't suicidal.. it was just that i felt like giving up soooo many times.. and in the past i HAVE given up so many times.. i lie in my bed asking God so many questions.. i cry myself to sleep at night.. but i realise now that it was all a waste of my time, energy and emotions.. because why do i give up when i have God's STRENGTH to sustain me?.. why do i doubt when i believe in an UNFAILING God.. why do i question when everything he does is out of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE..



everything happens for a reason.. you may not know what the reason is.. but what does it matter? since GOD KNOWS.. it may be hard to trust that everything is in the palm of God's hands especially when struggles do occur in your life.. but don't focus on the problem because what good does that do?.. focus on the Lord for through him we draw strength..




i think this post is rather random.. it was really all triggered by that half dying ant that i crushed.. did God use an ant to speak to me?.. more importantly i hope, did God use a dying ant to speak to YOU?..