i've got 2 good news, bad news, worse news and horrible news...

1st good news: my cousin is getting married!! he is my mother's side cousin, and he is coincidentally the same age as shiong gor gor.. so... he is getting married, and shiong gor gor doesn't even have a girlfriend..... hmm....


2nd good news: i just left 1 more paper till the end of exams!! bio... ok, actually there's bio SPA after bio common test but it's ok.. im not stressed about that.. just memorise sure can do one.. lol


bad news: my cousin's wedding is on saturday (which is tmr) so no church for me for one week!! darn, and abi is bringing newcomers somemore.. so... i feel saddened.. ):


worse news: let's recap how my papers went this week shall we?

MY PREDICTIONS (i'm already being VERY lenient with myself..)
GP: D/E
Econs: E
Maths: D/E
Chen: U (this one is comfirmed plus chop guarentee..)

so as u can see.. not a very nice picture being painted here.. i contemplated giving myself time to emo.. but im numb already.. numb to studying so hard and not being able get any results back.. ok, technically failing is my result, but let's not go into technicalities here...

stop telling me that im in NJ, and no one is stupid in NJ.. cos u dun know wad im going through.. to me, that's just your excuse for being able to neglect me.. to just say, "oh u'll be fine.. dun worry" then stalk off.. how does that make me feel any better?

i'd like to believe that wad u say is true though.. but i can't.. cos every single day when i go to school, im exposed to being a failure.. being the bottom of the barrel.. this common tests, i tried.. i really tried.. let no one say i didn't.. and still, failure's wad i'm gonna get..

the feeling of hearing pple describe how they did terrible cos they skipped a 10 mark question, and knowing that u skipped a total of 30++ marks cos u had NO IDEA how to do it at all... it sucks..

but like i said.. im numb.. just.. let it be.. am i gonna give up? no.. i'll mug through the holidays.. but it's gonna be hard to concentrate knowing that only failure is before u..


THE HORRIBLE NEWS: as if that isn't enough.. my mom just bought a new weighing scale, and i found out i gained ANOTHER 2 kg.. binging my stress away sure doesn't seem to make me feel any better.. i need another escape route..



i wish things would go back to the way they were when i was littler.. "why must things get more and more complicated as you grow up?" as quoted from my school's drama script.. reading qian's post on how we had movie marathons, sleepovers, potato moulding sessions.. makes my heart ache.. can we ever go back to the way things were? even if we actually do the same activities, i know somehow my mind would be on work..


wang is MIA.. i miss her so much.. i just wanna bear hug her..


but let's not make this a saddening post.. there's enough of those around.. let's make this christiany instead!! my fave genre.. lol


well, i read nao's post on how she has big dreams on wanting to save lives, help people, reduce poverty.. and that sounds great.. but as you can see, non christians can have compassion too.. wad makes us stand out? why are we different? i think that God's love transcends mere pity..


we should be the kind of people that love every one.. whether they are street beggars or the president of the united states, rich or poor they need God's love, God's love that should be flowing through us.. it's so easy to have pity or "compassion" on the dying children in Africa,but it is loving the rapists, the serial killers that really showcase the love that covers all..


my mom was telling me about this story.. that this serial killer broke into some woman's house and held her hostage as the police had surrounded him.. as he held the gun to her head, she asked him.. "why are u doing this? what is the purpose of your life?.." she then started telling him about God and told him about "purpose driven life" the book you know..


and he accepted Christ there and then, with tears streaming down his cheeks.. he surrendered and turned himself in and the police brought his away.. but he was changed.. im not sure whether he got executed later or not, but it doesn't matter anymore.. cos he has eternal life..


i would never ever be able to do that.. that bravery.. willing to risk her life just for a little chance of changing someone's life.. u know why she did that? cos she knew, she knew he needed God's love in his life..


can we be like that? agents of change.. do u really believe u r the agent of change? if u say u do.. wad are u doing about it?


p/s: it is kind of ironic that i'm saying this cos i know i haven't been doing much in the "change" department.. but let's strive together.. spur one another on right.. lol


cheerios!