i skipped school today... DON"T JUDGE ME!!... i sooooo wanted to stay home, and study.. but lo and behold, here i am blogging?...


*where am i?... how did i get here?.... ?!!? i'm blogging?,,, nono, in my memory im studying... what's happening??.. AHHH!! i need to study!!.. i need to study!!.....*


i need more chocolate.. chocolate makes me happy... the box of mini poppers lisa and gang bought for me was gone in a flash.. with a family as BIG and GREEDY as mine... (sigh) weishun, where's the chocolates u said u'd get me??


my mom said something that made me... i dunno, wince when i heard.. me and my sis were just discussing A level stuff (cos we're taking it together this year..) and my mom jokingly said to me, "why don't u pray that your results will be given to your sister? haha, anyway u don't need it, you are going to bible college in the end wad.."


and my sister enthusiastically agreed.. haha, that wasn't the wince-worthy part yet... then my mom just had to ruin the funny moment and said, " no la, God made u smart for a reason.. who knows, maybe instead of just being a missionary, u can be a doctor and go to the places to heal people!.." and she went on and on about being smart..


that was wince-worthy.. i'll bet my face looked like i just sucked a lemon.. "God made u smart for a reason.." i wonder when was the last time i felt smart?.. oh oh i know!!.. about 2 years ago.. before i stepped into the horrid place called National Junior College..


of cos im not blaming the school, neither am i blaming the people in the school.. it's just the suckiest feeling ever.. to feel like your ONE and ONLY talent is taken away from u.. all my life, i was merely the smart one.. can't sing, can't dance, ain't the prettiest thing.. i could only solve maths problems really quickly.. wow, sounds amazing huh..


as i grew up, passed the O level stage, i felt my smartness draining away.. i can't go to school one day without feeling stupid now.. who failed the chem test? oh sarah again... it sucks, it really sucks.. i cant even begin to describe it, feeling like u're left here being good at nothing anymore.. it so doesn't help when u have 3 beautiful sisters.. who can sing, play multiple musical instruments, is a whiz at sports...


so i had a conversation with God.. he never fails to pick me up..

me: why do i only have one stupid talent that im already losing.. why do u create me to be just this?..

God: you are not just smart, u have the greatest gift among your sisters, and among many.. u can hear my voice..

me: *suddenly realise that im quite special* ..... that's right.. i can hear u, im close to u..

God: would u rather have many wordly talents, or be sensitive to me?..

me: OF COS to be sensitive to you!..

God: see? i know what im doing..

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

so there and then i realised that we are created perfectly, God knows what he is doing.. honestly i'd rather be the most untalented human being on earth, and yet have this relationship i have with God now.. than to be envied by many, and yet go home and feel empty inside, questioning the very purpose of my existence on earth..
(im not saying that everyone that is glamly talented doesn't have this close relationship with God.. im just saying that as long as i have this relationship, i really feel that i dun need anything else..)


i was created for bigger and greater things.. WE were created for bigger and greater things.. why allow the devil to pull u down, make u feel lousy, when we are God's children, created in His image.. i am special, and so are u..


insecurity is something that everyone struggles with.. insecurity is something that everyone can be defeated by.. and yet, insecurity is something that everyone can defeat.. KNOW that u r perfect..